Perverted Primate
by Jeff the Cuter
Summary: A funny one-shot involving our favorite pink-haired Diclonius and an embarrassing situation. Rated M for naked scenes and sexual language. Btw: I accidentally spelled Kohta's name wrong in the story. No hate please. :'c I do not own the Elfen Lied series in no shape, form, or nipple.


"Perverted Primate..." By: Jeff the Cuter

5:59am

Kaede is peacefully asleep inside her futon, dreaming about something blissful and full of happiness. One could tell because of the content, beautiful smile that was neatly plastered on her face, something rare for even her to have due to her usually blood-thirsty nature. However, in her own mind full of wonders, serenity and joy, her mood shines like the rising sun outside her windo-

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BE- SMASH!*

Kaede:...*growl*

In response to being horridly woken up by that God-awful alarm clock, Kaede used one of her vectors, her trade-mark weapons exclusive to the Diclonious race in the form of long, slender, transparent arms designed to crush anything in their path, to pick up the alarm clock and obliterate it against the wall next to her futon.

Now as annoyed as a male emperor penguin having to sit through the harsh winter months looking after a fetus while his bitch wife whores herself out to fish sticks, Kaede slowly got out of her futon and headed towards her closet to grab some clothes to put on after a nice, warm shower (she slept naked during the night for reasons unknown).

Unfortunately for her, one of the pieces of the alarm clock she just smashed causes her to trip on her own feet, falling on to the floor, head first, with a loud THUMP.

Kaede: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *thump*

Her body twitched slightly in response to the sudden head-on collision against the floor. Immediately after the twitching ceased, Kaede soon jumped up very quickly, now with a new, confused look on her face.

Kaede: Nyu?

Yup. Nyu's here.

Nyu: NYUUUUUU! ^o^

Childishly, Nyu glances at the remains of the alarm clock the Kaede mindset smashed previously. She didn't give it much thought, though, because there was a bigger issue that she was currently facing.

She couldn't take a bath by herself.

Due to the fact that Nyu has a very baby-like mind (yes, that means she randomly noms on everything she touches as well -.-') she is very dependent on Kouta, Yuka and the rest of the Maple Inn gang to look out for her so that she doesn't get into trouble. The gang took EXTRA precautions whenever Nyu surfaced lately after an incident at the local zoo involving a stolen bunch of bananas, a random paperclip and a troop of pissed off Gorillas (that's for another story c:).

There was also another problem that Nyu faced as well involving the baths she would normally be given. Another girl had to help her with the bath. Unfortunately for her, Yuka, Mayu and Nana left to go on a "girl's only" vacation. The reason Kaede couldn't go was because she had an exam to study for at the new university that Kouta and Yuka helped her get into. However, now that she's Nyu, the only things crossing her mind now are strawberries, leprocauns doing the worm and, for some reason, Mitt Romney in a pink and purple polkadot bikini.

Tip-toeing across the hall, Nyu headed to Kouta's room, containing the only able body that is able to help Nyu get her morning routines done. She slowly opened the door, as quiet as a Navy SEAL doing ballet, and got into a prone position. She slowly began crawling towards Kouta's own futon.

Taking notice of his sleeping form, Nyu stared at him quizzically, tilting her head as she done so. Her mind was so unfocused with all of the panda bears hopping on dolphins that she didn't think of a way to wake him up nicely, so she did what comedians do; she improvised.

Nyu: KOUTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Kouta blasted off into the ceiling at the startling, train-whistle-like sound of Nyu's voice.

Kouta: What in the name of-?! NYU?! WHAT WAS THAT FO—WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!

Nyu: NYU! NYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *she pointed towards the door like a drill sergeant ordering around maggots*

Kouta: What's wrong, Nyu? What's over beyond that door?

All of a sudden, in a swift, Instant-Transmission-like move, Nyu grabbed onto Kouta's arm and forced him up, pulling him outside of his room towards the bathroom. This whole time, Kouta's trying DESPERATELY hard not to look at Nyu in her naked form, as disturbing thoughts threaten to overtake his judgment.

Kouta: NYU! I'm not going in there with you!

Nyu: KOUTA! KOUTA, HELP ME! *she swiftly opens the door and forces him in with her*

Kouta: Help you with what?!

Nyu: BATH! BATH! NYU, BATH!

Kouta:…you gotta be kidding me.

Nyu: Nyu….. *tears threaten to form*

Kouta: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'll….help you….with…your bath…

Nyu: NYUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! ^o^

Kouta turns on the bath tub's faucet, allowing the warm, toasty water to fill the tub. Kouta, still not looking at Nyu, motions her to get in, as Kouta puts on one of his bathing suits to prevent him from being naked with her. He also gathered a bunch of different soaps, whether it is shampoo, body wash and other various items. Nyu playfully splashed in the water like a toddler, causing waves to motion the water around the perimeter of the tub.

Kouta: Okay, Nyu. Hold still while I…. oh God…. wet your hair and apply the shampoo.

Nervously, Kouta did as he said, gently dampening Nyu's hair with a small amount of water that was cupped from his hands. He then proceeded to gently lather the soap onto her hair, being as gentle as he possibly can. He knew very well that one false move could lead to a very embarrassing situation that could scar Nyu for life.

Nyu, however, wasn't cooperating. She was so into her waves that she started to splash the water harder than she did, forcing the water to begin to pour out of the tub!

Kouta: NYU! Stop that! You're wasting all the water!

Nyu: NYUUUUUU! ^o^

Kouta: Nyu, please. I want this over with, already. Please stay still.

His request would fall onto ears so deaf that you'd think he'd be talking to another person who was standing next to Dragon Force listening to them practice all day.

Nyu sharply turned around to face Kouta, much to his dismay. With this joyful face plastered on Nyu, she began to splash Kouta, giggling very loudly, and started to jump on her butt, holding onto Kouta for support!

Nyu: NYU! *jump*NYU! *jump* NYU! *jump* NYU! *jump* NY—

That's…when it happened. That last jump that Nyu had landed in the wrong fashion, and due to this, she began to fall onto her back, and REALLY much to Kouta's dismay, she was still holding on to him.

Accidentally forcing Kouta to fall with her (how she managed to obtain this much strength to do this, Kouta will never know…she probably trained with MMA fighters at one point o_0), he ended up falling right ONTO her and Nyu hit her head on the edge of the tub with a loud BUMP!

Kouta: *with a face as red as blood* NYU! ARE YOU OKAY?! PLEASE LET GO OF ME! I NEED TO HELP YOU!

Nyu instantly closed her eyes when the back of her head made contact with the tub's rim. Due to the collision, she was unconscious…

…however, her eyes began to move slightly, as if twitching.

Kouta: Nyu?...are you….*gulp*…okay?

…Kaede finds herself naked, soaked, in a bathtub…with KOUTA ON TOP OF HER NAKED BODY IN NOTHING BUT A SWIM SUIT?!

Kaede:….. *a rising angered expression slowly formed on her face*

Kouta: Nyu? Are you alrigh—

Kaede: GET! OFF! OF! ME! *she picks him up with her vectors and throws him out the window, breaking the glass*

Kouta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*thump*

Kaede:….perverted primate…


End file.
